Ah, this is the best life. Nothing like lounging by a nice warm pool of bubbling lava with a steaming cup of tea to melt the chill of frigid temps. After a bit of a rough start, this has turned into the best day ever. It should remain as such, assuming Aevumis and the others don’t tell Bulstrode. I paid them though, so it should be fine. Yeah, it will be fine. Bulstrode will never know.

Oh, I suppose I should recount the story. It was quite amusing really. Absolutely brilliant on my part, if I do say so myself. Penguins are ever being penguins, right? Right. Well, the feathery little bullies kept shoving this little fellow in so much that he was afraid to swim. Of course this means no food for the penguin. Bulstrode does not like when penguins are not healthy. He likes it even less when they die. But no worries! There were no penguin deaths this day!

Well, Bulstrode was angry about his penguins being bullies. Never believes me when I warn him about how mean they are. I’ve watched them smack a random waddling penguin, and can you guess what happened then? Well, if you guessed that the penguin fell right through the ice and all his friends warbled in laughter, you would be correct. Little sneak-thieves too, but that’s a story for another time. Bulstrode was so mad, and definitely not because I lost another whistle. I absolutely did not lose another whistle. It just ran away while I wasn’t looking.

So many people came running while Bulstrode was yelling at me. Luckily I’m small and easily slipped past their notice. I’m pretty sure I saw Xenthos and Evette charge past at first, which is when I got an idea. I do love my job, and the penguins, but that icy wind is no place for a ‘wump like me! Many from the Basin came to see what Bulstrode was about, thus it only was sensible to get them to help! After a bit of penguin talk, I sent them to get a whistle from Bulstrode as mine had already decided to wander off somewhere to nap. I keep telling Bulstrode that these whistles must be magical as they keep running off. He doesn’t listen, just says I keep losing them. I never lose anything. Never lost a penguin on my watch either.

Aevumis managed to convince Bulstrode to let him help and got a new whistle. The thing was clogged with tae’dae hair too! I do not understand how a tiny whistle can hold so much fur. See? magic whistles. It’s the only explanation. Grand music was then played, though there may have been some ear leakage that will neither be confirmed nor denied, and the Haupdin was ready to swim once again!

One mighty nudge later? Okay, dear reader, before I continue, I must stress that this next part most certainly did not happen. This is only rumour, right? Right. Well, I heard that the Haupdin got ripped to pieces by the thing in the water. All sorts of giant teeth, gobbled up the pieces of a Haupdin. Or so the story goes. This certainly was not with my penguins. Okay, fine, I paid for that to merely be a rumour. What was I supposed to do? Tell Bulstrode and have to face an angry tae’dae? Uh-uh. Someone else can tell him.

Thankfully, numerous people seemed keen to help find another Haupdin. I think it was Uzriel who was seeking to learn the best way to shove a penguin? Everyone knows that it’s best to shove when they are on the belly. They glide right across the ice so much better. What? No, I do not have experience in this. I most certainly have not lined up some penguins and shoved another down the hill and knock their friends over. That is not something I would do!

I’m not sure how, but a new Haupdin was found while we spoke! Lucky for me penguins are bullies, or one of my new employ, I mean new friends, had a bit of fun. Aevumis was quick to find another whistle and this time the Haupdin safely found food! Best part, Bulstrode won’t know the difference.

So, my dear reader, once again I, Jololem, have proven that I am the best Junior Penguin Keeper at the Reserve. The day was saved, and Haupdins is happy once more. I assure you that no Haupdins were harmed in the writing of this tale. I am, however, going to enjoy this nice time by a lava pool.

Or maybe not. I can hear Bulstrode from here. I best go see what’s happened now. This always happens when I finally get comfortable! I really should convince him that we need to find some fire penguins.

-Excerpt from “The Adventures of Jololem Olem”