Chapter one: A hero's quest begins!

A dwarf lies in a bed carved of solid stone and built into the floor. The room is small but overly crowded with small model aetherships hanging from the ceiling and aside from the bed the only furniture in the room is a small stone bench sitting in front of a desk. The desk is piled with clutter ranging from small tubes of glue to three striking dwarven action figures.

A dwarf man walks into the darkened room. He sets a pail of water next to the bed before turning about surveying the room while slowly stroking his beard. He takes a moment to straighten up the contents of the desk, pushing all of the small pieces and glue tubes into a drawer and picking up the three figurines appreciating them before gently setting them back down onto the desk. Without ceremony, He moves back to his pail of water and quickly grabs it emptying it out onto the sleeping dwarf's head while yelling "IT IS TIME TO WAKE UP NOTHEN."

The dwarf shoots up in bed and shrilly shouts "MOOOOOOOM, I work the late shift tonight! Let me sleep!"

The apparently now female dwarf say "Do you think your brothers entered the portal of fate and became heroes by working the night shift in the iron quarry and building models all day in their rooms? No! They did it by waking up early and practicing everyday how to smile while fighting with a sword and learning the various ways that sunlight bounces off of metal so that they may fight at the optimal radiance point during the day. NOW WAKE UP."

Slowly coming to his senses, Nothen stumbles out of bed placing his hands against the wall. He glances over at his desk and shouts "MOM, LEAVE MY THINGS ALONE. I HAD MY THINGS JUST WHERE I WANTED THEM AND NOW I'LL NEVER BE ABLE TO FIND THEM."

A voice from down the hall shrilly screams, "Your brothers didn't become heroes by living in messes. You have to be ready at any time to entertain a king or a princess or a beggar who is actually a magician and none of them will stand for an untidy household."

With a sigh meant more for his mother to hear than to relieve his stress, Nothen pushes himself to his feet and slowly shuffles out of the room to the kitchen. His father, a retired hero himself, sits at the table with a bountiful meal in front of him. Like all heroes, he ate monstrous meals of 50 stacks of bacon and 15 scrambled eggs. His father lifts his fork at exactly the right angle to send radiant streams of light throughout the room as only years of battle and practice in front of mirrors can do for you.

Nothen grunts and shields his eyes before sitting himself down in front of a similarly large meal. While he slowly nibbles on only a few of his pieces of bacon and about a tenth of the eggs in front of him, his father shovels the food into his mouth gulping it down without chewing. Nothen places his fork back on the table and pushes his dish away from him as the thought of what happens next makes him completely lose his appetite. His mother looks at him with the same disapproving look he has learned to think of only as "how her face always looks".

In an instant, his father stands up from the table his wooden chair scoots backwards across the floor without tipping over. Looking as if he has something very important to do, his father dashes out of the room. His mother quickly fills in the gap in conversion "Listen, you're a growing boy, nearly a man, you need to eat plentifully. You know you'll be expected to eat far more than normal humans and you're doing nothing for yourself eating how you are. Not to mention you can actually build up some muscle mass at that dead end mining job of yours if you actually ate something."

The sound of retching resonates through the house and Nothen turns a little bit green at the sound of it. "I like my job. Mining, by definition, cannot be a dead end job as any dead end I find I can just dig right through. I don't want to be a hero, what don't you understand about that mom. I like my job here, I have hobbies and friends. I'd be happy if you just left this alone. What is so great about spending 12 hours a day cleaning your house, polishing your weapon and armor just so you can make sure if you need to kill someone that day that you will look 'shiny' enough? What's so great about trying to impress people about how much you eat and how quickly if you just have to go throw it all up when nobody is looking so you don't get fat?"

"What is so great about it? Your father was a hero, his father was a hero, his father was a hero, his father was a haberdasher, but his father was a hero also. Your three brothers are heroes. Heroing is what this family does. Are you too good to learn the trade of this family? Are you too good for the upbringing we gave you that you have to decide your own way to live? Do you think your father didn't want to do something other than rescue me from that dragon? But look what it got him, a loving wife and half of the Kingdom of Rockholm. Do you have no respect for how hard it is to keep your armor unscathed, keep your beard and hair unsinged, and prefixing every attack with a flourish while fighting a dragon? You would do well to follow in the footsteps of your family and I will not sit idly by while you waste your talent. Do you not remember when you were but a wee lad that you picked up that silver chalice and nearly blinded everyone in the room? Now that's a hero for you."

"Yeah mom, I'm sure keeping his armor shiny was the hard part, not you know, killing the dragon."

"Don't get smart with me. You don't just go out and kill things willy-nilly and expect to be a hero. You know what they call little boys who go out slaying highway bandits without the proper training? Serial killers."

"I'm sure you think I can be this great hero and that I'll win myself a dwarven princess and a kingdom, but I just don't want those things."

"Listen, we got a letter from your oldest brother Darric. He was traveling near Angkrag when he heard the cries of a young woman. So he did the only reasonable thing, he sat down, took out his armor shrine, he quickly gave his breastplate and helm a once over. He put it all on, got out his light meter and bravely charged into battle. As soon as he was suitably incandescent, he drew his sword and cut off the head of a cockatrice that had kidnapped a princess from the kingdom of Southgard. She was only slightly nibbled on too."

"Oh good for Darric, I'm soooo proud of him."

"Honey, your father and I have been talking; Darric has half of a kingdom and a princess's hand in marriage just like dear old dad. It is time for you to leave the house and start and adventure of your own."

"No, I'm not going to do it!"

"I've already packed up your things. In your pack is a map that marks every lake in the area. The first task in the hero's journey is to find a sword and what better place to find a sword of legend than in a lake? I've included a year of sword shine. I've also made some of my magical fruit cake where only a small bite will make it so you won't want to eat the rest of the day to see you through your journey until you start having banquets in your name. Your father called up his old professional squire and he has a son that will meet squire for you. You're to meet him in front of the general store in an hour. His name is Yaraf."

"NO, I'm not going to let you bully me into this!"

"Well, son, that is your choice. Though, if you want to stay here, you're going to have to start paying rent: 10000 sovereigns a month."

"Fine!" Nothen turns on his heel, walks over to his pack, attempts to pick it up but fails. He reaches into the pack, pulls out off of the fruit cake and drops it on the counter causing a crack to form on the granite counter tops all the way to the ground. Nothen easily hefts the pack over his shoulder now and indignantly marches out of the house."

Chapter Two. A great hero needs a great weapon.

Nothen sets himself down in front of Gosil Glamson's General Goods. He quickly searches his pack to investigate its contents. Chainmail, half of a brick of fruit cake weighing roughly fifty pounds, a map marked with bright red x's on every lake, a purple x on every wayward great stone with a bloody sword stuck in it, and a black x for every hermit weapon smith of legendary repute. Surprisingly, there were more black x's than any other. One light meter along with instructions written in indecipherable lucidian. One copy of the "Art of Heroing". 82 cans of Glamson's Sword and Armour Polish.

While he waits for Yaraf, Nothen pulls out the Art of Heroing and flips to a random page reading the first section his eyes fall over.

Remember, potential Heroes, precaution is the enemy of good theater. The most important thing when going to sleep is to learn to sleep soundly regardless of the sounds happening around you. Make sure you leave no traps, have no lookout, and a large roaring fire about you every night. This gives potential evil-doers the chance to get the drop upon you. Simply thwarting a surprise attack through general preparedness and strategy impresses nobody, but beheading 15 assassins in the dead of night while wearing only your nightie is a tale that will make the women swoon. Plus, it makes them think about you in your sleep clothes.

"Yeah, that -sure- sounds like good advice. Maybe I'll just camp out in the middle of mount Zoaka too so that a dragon can get the jump on me."

Nothen leans back against the wall of the store waiting for this Yaraf when a deep feeling of dread suddenly enters the pit of his stomach. He wonders, why am I feeling this way suddenly? He slowly turns his head to see a young dwarf standing at attention next to him. Ah, this is why I feel this way.

Yaraf Squireson was short even for a dwarf but most notably his face was as smooth as a baby's bottom. Even babes had stubble but here stood a dwarf without a hair on his chin. He seemed to have the strength of someone who was expected to squire since this often required dragging the hero out of dangerous situations and also out of taverns...dangerous taverns. Other than these points, Yaraf appeared to be a normal dwarven boy growing into manhood. Oh, also he was wearing a squirrel costume.

"Are you Yaraf Squireson?"

"Yep! Are you Nothen?"

"Why are you dressed like that?"

"I'm your animal companion. Every hero needs an animal companion."

"Your name is Squireson; you were raised to be a squire weren't you? Wasn't your father my father's squire when he slew the Dragon of Dread?"

"Yes, but that doesn't sound like as much fun as being an animal companion. This way I can be your faithful companion and everyone will think "Wow, That guy is so cool even animals follow him and do his bidding."

"Fine....Fine. I just need to make a show of trying to be a hero and then I can move home and resume my life so I guess it doesn't actually matter. So, Animal Companion Yaraf, what's our first step."

"Call me Yar."

"...right, Yar. What do we do now?"

"Well, my dad says it is the sacred duty of all heroes to acquire a magical weapon bestowed upon them by either a mythical source, or a world renowned weapon smith."

"Ah right" Nothen pulls the map from his pack and hands it to Yar. "So where are we heading."

"Well, the nearest mystical body of water is about two days journey from here, the nearest hermit is fairly close but it'll take about 5 days to travel through the mountains."

"Right, Okay. Come with me" Quickly Nothen turns on his heel and enters the general store behind him.

"Hey Gosil, How's it going?"

"Nothen my boy! Good to see you, shouldn't you be getting ready for your shift in the mines?"

"Not today, my parents kicked me out and told me I had to become an adventurer like dad, speaking of which, do you sell any magic swords?"

"Hmm well...in a sense. I do have this one sword. Just a minute." Gosil quickly turns around and goes into the back room of his shop before carrying out a plain leather scabbard with an unadorned hilt protruding from it.

Gosil says "This sword is kind of magical in that it is one of the few non-magical swords in the realms. It's made out of simple iron, it gleams in the sun about as well as a dead fish, and it isn't known to pierce anything special. You can probably cut cans with it I guess. That's kind of magical right?"

"Why would I need to cut cans?"

"I don't know, but if you wanted to cut cans you probably could cut cans."

Yar squeaks nervously "but Master, if you don't have a weapon known for slaying dragons or bestowed upon the future king or with the power to kill demons how will you know what quest you should take."

"Well, I guess if we hear of any great can monsters we can probably maybe cut them. Otherwise, we'll just have to find our own quest. I'm not going walking for two days without a weapon. I'll take it"

With a grand gesture, Nothen tosses a bag of coins onto the counter and turns to talk away.

The shop keep exclaims, "Hold it. What is this." pointing at the bag of coins.

"That...What do you mean? That's a sack of coins for this sword I just bought."

"A sack of coins is not a standard unit of currency, you don't just go into a shot and give someone a sack with a couple of coins in it and say there you go here is your sack of coins, standard price for a sword. You pay them a specific amount of coins."

"But, I thought...I'm a hero you know, isn't a sack of coins how I'm supposed to pay for things?"

"Not in my bloody shop, and for all I care you can keep the sack, I need 10,000 sovereigns though"

Blushing, Nothen walks back to the counter and empties the sack onto the counter counting out the coins. Finding he doesn't have nearly enough there, he pulls open his pack and finishes the transaction.

Chapter 3 Sometimes a hero just lucks into the quest of a lifetime. Sometimes they don't

It is a clear night in Avechna's Teeth, the stars are clear and Nothen is taking in the serene scene while his faithful animal squire companion circles around on a bed of grass before lying down for the night. They sit just off a common walking trail.

Nothen breaks the silence saying, "You know, I wasn't too keen on this adventuring but this is beautiful and I'd never have seen it trapped in those mines."

"But, Sir. You were born to be an adventurer; maybe you are enjoying this so much because it's your destiny"

"Just as it was you were born to be an animal companion and it is your destiny to accompany me, Yar"

"'zactly, Sir,"

"But you weren't born an animal."

"No, but animal companion yes sir, been training all my life for it"

"No, no you...never mind Yar, go to sleep"

Just then, a gleaming knight approaches in the distance. He rides a pure white pegasus that has been unusually outfitted with spotlights about the saddle that illuminate the rider. As he approaches the odd duo, he dismounts from his mighty stallion, adjusts the spotlights so that they are now pointing forward casting his gigantic shadow on the mountain behind him. He places his hands on his hips puffs out his chest and boldly proclaims, "I will take you to the Stage so that you may perform your theater there."

"Theater? We are not performers, I'm a hero too. I've got a sword and everything." Nothen peers at Yar and comprehension washes over him. "Oh him, no, He's my animal companion. His name is Yar; we're looking for adventure so I can shut my mother up."

The hero recoils slightly at this, allowing his arms to fall to his side and his mouth to drop open. He quickly collects himself, puffing his chest up to even greater portions than before loudly proclaiming "I will take you to the Great Library."

"...What are you not understanding? We aren't trying to go to the library. I already have the only book I need." Nothen rummages through his pack tapping the front of "Art of Heroing" which is covered with the spitting image of the hero before him standing just as he is now.

Yar lifts his head from his grass bed "But, Sir, It is a GREAT library. Perhaps we're supposed to go there to...you know, do great things or...read. Maybe that is the first part of our quest; I've always heard knowledge is power."

"That is nonsense, what kinda adventure are we going to find in a stuffy library, Slaying the mighty book worms who feast upon the pages? It isn't as if you can just open a book and find an adventure."

The hero now looking completely distraught at the bickering of his audience leaps straight in the air his pegasus taking the cue runs forward catching him upon his back. The pegasus lets out a loud sigh and his knees begin to buckle taking on the weight of the hero. The hero now beaming with pride at his clear display of heroism again announces boldly "I will escort you to Avechna's Peak! There you may see the glory of Avechna and meditate upon the nature of the universe."

"Yar, He's clearly not going to stop until we follow him somewhere. Get your stuff together; I guess we're going to Avechna's peak."

Nothen and Yar quickly pack up while the hero very impatiently waits upon his noble steed that continues to strain under the weight and heat of the hero and the spotlights. As soon as they are prepared, the hero trots off on his pegasus far faster than the two dwarves can manage. Fortunately, the wind picks up and the hero must slow his pace and the dwarves manage to catch up to him just as he approaches Mount Avechna. Halfway up the trail however, the hero stops moving suddenly. He stands still for quite a long time. Eventually, Nothen gets up the courage to walk up to him, and tap lightly upon his highly polished armour.

Eventually, Nothen and Yar sit down behind the pegasus and take a fate of deck cards out and begin playing the game. After the third game of Nothen defeating Yar, they put the deck away and suddenly the hero begins to stir again proclaiming with all due grace and honour "Sorry, I'm back now."

"Huh? Where did you go?"
The hero ignoring their inquiry begins to slowly reach towards his mantle of star light. It glows in intensity and Yar and Nothen each reach forward to poke the hero to get the answers they deserve when everything around them blurs and they find themselves within a large city of pearl standing before a gigantic pool which reflects nothing but star light. Disoriented, they both retch on the on the stairways next to them.

Nothen is the first to speak "Man, that was agony."

Suddenly, a serious looking man turns to Nothen and scolds, "Do not mention Magnagora or its Taint-spreading monstrosities around me, I implore you."

"I didn't say anyth-"

Interrupting him, several radiant knights begin a cacophony of noise as they begin shuffling their feet causing their rather bulky armor to shift and creak; they each lift the visors of their helmet and look directly at Nothen blinking rapidly.

The noise of the shuffling continues for a few moments and is only broken by the outlandish singing of the hero that brought them there 'O, Cavalier of Light, How you have served Celest. You are certainly the best. You have slain our enemies at our behest. You shall defend the Pool lest...Our enemies come and make a mess....t" The bulky guard lowers his head nodding shyly, his blinking stops and his cheeks grow beet read. He crosses his legs and twist in place conveying his embarrassment. This continues until the Hero continues his effort to flatter the guard.*

"You know, Cavalier of the Light, You are probably the smartest guard we have. I've talked to all these other guards, and they might tell you I told them the same thing, but you are definitely the smartest. Not only that, but look at those muscles. I bet if you took your breast plate off, your muscles would ripple in the sunlight. You know what? I'm going to get you some oil so you can show us all how well built you are." The cavalier again looks away and begins his awkward embarrassed dance again*

Finally, the Commissar stops and the hero redoubles his efforts to prove to the Cavalier how great he is. He quickly pulls out a bottle of oil from his pack, helps the Cavalier out of his suit of armour and begins rubbing the oil into the pale skin of the guard. He says, "Oh my, look at that. I don't think I've ever seen a man as handsome as this in my lifetime. I bet you are the smartest person I've ever met also. Here, this is a puzzle, Do this puzzle. I'll watch. Oh my, look at how quickly you've solved it. You are amazing." Suddenly the guard stands up straight, looks the hero square in the face and says "Yes, you know what. I am the best around; nothing is ever going to keep me down!" Almost immediately, the guard falls to the ground in an oily armoured mess and begins to snore

"Yar."

"Yes, Sir?"

"I think everyone around us is insane. Be very careful, this could be an incredibly dangerous situation."

Chapter 4. The Dread Chicken of Delport

Nothen and Yar slowly back away from the developing strangeness when several young people run up to them and thrust glass balls into their hands before running off again. Encouraged by this clearly sane display, they turn quickly on a heel and sprint to the nearest gate. Around each corner is a new threat attempting to force gold tinted glass balls into their hands.

Finally, Nothen and Yar reach the safety of the open road again and drop to their knees. Nothen begins crying while Yar laughs hysterically.

"What is wrong with the world, what did we walk into!" Nothen says through his gasping sobs.

Yar regains control of himself and seeing his mastery in agony quickly finds a nearby tree and begins to dig. Having found a treasure trove to cheer his master up, he walks over to the sobbing Nothen and dumps a large pile of dirt and acorns in his lap.

Nothen looks up at Yar and almost certainly would have said something clever and biting but as soon as he began to talk, he was interrupted by a drunken goat stumbling directly into his face and knocking him backwards. The goat carried a barrel of rum around its neck which it had clearly learned how to get into and had a letter tied to its horn.

"Ah, a letter from home!" Yar says excitedly. He grabs it off of the horn of the Goat and begins reading

Dear Nothen,

I am certain mother has told you of my adventures. I have saved a princess from the dread cockatrice of the southern mountains. I was rewarded with the customary hand of the king's daughter and half of his kingdom for rescuing his beloved. I have to say, father was a sucker for fighting dragons. Cockatrices are nothing more than overly large chickens and with cockatrices there is no chance that the dragon will have cooked and eaten his virginal tribute before you arrive. The cockatrices just kinda nibble on them a little bit at a time so it really gives you some time to relax and make sure you are looking resplendent in your armour.

Mother has informed me that you have been kicked out of the house until you are able to find your own adventure. I suggest that you try rescuing a princess from a cockatrice, this is the best gig I've ever had.

One word of warning though, Cockatrices aren't as picky as dragons, they don't care if a woman is a virgin or not and they will just kidnap anyone who happens along their way so you might have to respond to several distress calls before you actually find a woman worth rescuing. I'd suggest if you find someone kidnapped by a cockatrice that looks of ill-repute, you leave them to be eaten so that particular cockatrice won't cause another distress signal for some time. It'd be a waste of time if you were to rescue some baker's wife only to find the same cockatrice of such poor repute had just gone on and kidnapped a candlemaker's mother.

Oh one more thing, make sure the cockatrice is good and dead. I cut off its head but it was still kicking and it managed to scratch my armour. It almost cost me the rescue!

-Darric

"Well, that’s strange. I haven't got a brother named Darric, and I wasn't kicked out of my house." Yar says before thrusting the letter towards the drunken goat which quickly eats it. "Must have been a misdelivery."

"You great bloody idiot, what kind of animal squire companion are you, that letter was obviously for me! From now on, all letters are to be screened through me before you read them. If they are for you, I'll give it to you after I've screened it."

"Yes Sir, very well Sir"

"Well, Anyways. Darric things cockatrices are a hero's racket eh? Maybe we should start listening for some calls for help."

The duo wandered about the area along New Celest looking for someone to rescue. Until finally, they heard it.

Someone in the distance screamed "Oh god, Help me!" The two twisted about, rushed towards the scene, sat down and immediately began polishing sword and armour. It took them only five minutes, nearly record time for a hero before he was suited up and ready. Yar quickly reached into his pack and pulled on a saddle.

"Yar, what is that?"

"Saddle, Sir. Who has ever heard of a hero shuffling into combat? You need to ride upon your mighty steed."

"But you're dressed as a squirrel."

"Well, I do have this also."

Yar, while wearing the fuzzy squirrel costume and the saddle across his shoulder and back rummages one more time into his pack and pulls out a false horse head and pulls it on over the squirrel hood.

"What...what are you doing?"

"I'm a horse now."

Just then, the screams in the distance die out with a rather dramatic "blurrrggghhhhh" sound.

"Fine, we're in a hurry." Nothen hops onto Yar's shoulders. Yar begins sprinting forwards carrying Nothen, partially blinded by the false horse mask he slips on a stone and throws Nothen forward who slides to a half just below the massive form of a Roc feasting on the corpse of an older furrikin. Realizing his mistake, Nothen quickly swings his pack at the Roc who catches it in its beak. Nothen lets go of the pack and quickly runs away, lifting Yar to his feet. He now has the horse mask on backwards. They each run over the nearest hill and duck down behind it. After a few moments, Nothen and Yar peek up over the hill, Yar still with the horse mask on backwards completely obscuring his vision.

The roc appears disinterested in chasing them and is instead pecking apart the pack to get to its contents. It quickly rips the pack open and the chunk of Fruit Cake falls out with a thud. The Roc pecks at the edges of the cake, it immediately recoils upon taking its first large bite. It begins to try to fly away but it is clearly weighed down by something. It raises just inches off the ground before collapsing, feebly cawing and then expiring.

"What happened, Sir?"

"Apparently, my mother...I mean, I slew the fowl beast."

"Don't you mean foul, Sir?"

"That's what I said: What do you mean?"

Yar quickly yanks off the horses head, stuffs it back into his pack and takes in the scene. The contents of Nothen's pack are strewed about a half-eaten corpse, while the roc lies dead next to it.

"How did this happen, Sir?"

"Superior cunning and heroics, obviously"

"I always had faith in you, Sir! You truly are your father's son. Come! Let us go find even greater adventures."

"But, we didn't save the man."

"But we slew the beast, who cares about that guy. He wasn't even a princess as far as I can tell."

"I guess you're right, if he was a princess though, he still would have been eaten. I think we need to learn something from this and keep ourselves prepared at all times."

The two are again on the road, tattered pack now mended and the dirt that was imbedded into the grooves of Nothen's armour now brushed away and polished again. Now Nothen dons his armour as he travels and Yar travels with the horse head and saddle ready upon his back for any impromptu heroics that may be necessary.

The two of them suddenly hear the shouting and screaming of what sounds to be a little girl. Without a moment's notice, Nothen has climbed onto Yar's shoulders and he's shouting instructions about possible obstacles in Yar's way when they run into the village of Delport. They quickly survey the scene and find a chicken with a large green plumage is chasing a little girl about the fields. She quickly rounds the corner around the nearest house and the chicken stops in front of Nothen and Yar and asks politely, "Bckawww."

"Well, it doesn't look like much of an evil doer"

"It was chasing that little girl though, she may not be a princess but I bet she's a virgin, that's got to mean something doesn't it?"

"I guess you're right."

"Sir, It is kinda your specialty also."

The chicken growing more annoyed declares, "Bawckkawwww."
Nothen slowly draws his swords, utters a short prayer to the gods that this isn't a trick chicken, or if it is some kind of magical chicken that the only magic it has is that it is made out of cans and quickly cuts the chicken's head off. The body slumps down, blood gruesomely squirting out of the neck...hole? Nothen dismounts and walks over to his victim.

"I feel a little bad for it, but it clearly was terrorising this village and what kind of hero would I be if I let terrorists roam the land unimpeded."

A little girl walks up behind Nothen, Nothen turns and announces "No need to thank me, little girl, I was only doing my job. I'm a hero you see."

Quickly the little girl kicks him square in the shin and begins to sob "Why did you kill my chicken, why would you do that you cruel cruel man."

Nothen gets down on one knee to explain what he thought was happening and to apologize, when suddenly the chicken's body stands back up and begins running around. Moving on his brother's advice and instinct, He quickly swings his sword at the chicken over and over again and when the chicken is in so many pieces that the sword can no longer feasibly cut them anymore begins to stomp them into the ground.

At this, the girl's sobs increase and several other nearby chickens turn their attention to the scene. The largest of them walks slowly toward the corpse of their former friend, lowers his beak and intones a low sad, "Baaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwwck." Nothen looks down at the chicken and would swear up and down and backward that he saw the fires of Klangratech behind those eyes burning. He immediately turned around and began to run but as soon as he turned he heard the clucking of hundreds of chickens behind him. He is immediately tripped up as hundreds, nay thousands of chickens flood into the village pecking and clawing him. He can do nothing but role onto his stomach and try to protect his face when he starts feeling several sharp kicks to the shoulders and rips that reverberate even through his armour.

When it is all over, Nothen sits up. He walks over to a small trough of water and sees that his face has many talon marks across it and a notch has been taken out of his left ear about the size of a chicken's beak. He looks around for Yar who is now sitting breathing heavily on the ground, unscathed but now donning a chicken costume.

Nothen stumbles over to him and begins to speak but the words are lost in his throat as he spits out a mass of feathers. Finally he is able to sputter out the words "Why are you dressed like that?"

"Well, I'm your faithful animal companion. I had to do what I could to protect you and becoming a chicken was the only way I could negotiate with them?"

"Negotiate with them. You'd have to earn their trust...and they are chickens, you can't negotiate with chickens or earn their trust."

"Oh you'd be surprised, Sir. If they are all doing one thing and you start helping them do that thing then they will quickly begin to accept you as part of their flock."

"What did you do, eat a hand full of grain or somethin'..." Slowly awareness begin to spread throughout his consciousness, "You bastard! You were the one kicking me!"

"I'm sorry, Sir. It was the only way I could earn their trust and convince them when enough was enough. Really, it was the best thing I could do with the situation; you did go a little overboard with that sword."