To Grow Up by Arae

Merit for March 2022

Whimsical I suppose what they would call this.

The years have passed us by, time ever crawling forward in its unending spiral. What once was a little girl with honey-brown hair held high in pigtails, a cherubic smile upon gently rounded features, is now a flower amidst her bloom. Unfurling into a full blossom, time has given you size, shaped your limbs, your form into that of a young woman. Coils of silken gold tumble down your back in waves of velvet and silk, eyes sharpening with age as their childish wonder fades and the pressures of adulthood begin to take hold.

Lessons take their course, sapping you of imagination, ingraining techniques, formulas and skills that you will need to survive this world as a full fledged adult. A Lady you will be soon enough, only a year given that you will need to marry and eventually bear children for your family to continue its flourish.

You will no longer need me...

I watch you even now, distant, form gradually subsiding as you are introduced to the man who will one day be your husband. An arranged marriage, and yet I can see the interest in your eyes, the softening of their harsh corners as you behold the man before you.

He is older, perhaps only a year or two more. Grown from the looks of his form, the telltale signs of what makes a young man beginning to truly show in the contouring of his youthful musculature. Adolescence touches the wisdom that I see growing in his eyes, yet a playful mirth still lingers and that is what draws you.

Energies ebb as my form fades further, just a touch, but I noticeably dissipate a fraction more as you behold your promised and I can do nothing but watch in silent jealousy.

The day turns and it is night, curled up by the hearth that keeps warm your room in the manor.

I linger over you like an insubstantial ghost, my voice faint. You cannot hear me any longer or you choose not to listen, of this I am no longer sure. So far away and yet so close. In my reach, but beyond my touch.

Fingers card through your hair, splayed over the rug upon which you lie. Oh, how beautiful you become more and more as the days pass by.

"I love you." The words pass unbidden from my lips, though you cannot hear their utterance.

You suddenly look up from your daydreaming, as if something has caught your ear.

Encouraged, I speak again, your name falling from my lips in hopeful tones.

"Who.. who is that?" You ask softly, voice touched with faintest confusion. You look behind, though it is apparent you can no longer see me, eyes clouded with confusion as they look through.

Even looking towards me brings tears to my eyes. "Someone who misses you terribly."

You offer the faintest whisper, speaking softly to yourself. "I feel.. as if there is something I am forgetting.."

I cannot stop a hand that rests upon your cheek. "It is alright.. I will not be long for this world either way. Just know.. just know that I love you and I will always be with you."

"Strange.." your brow crinkles in confusion as tears pool suddenly in your eyes. "Why do I feel so sad?" A hand touches your cheek, just where mine lingers. "As if I have lost something but cannot remember what it is."

"Rest.. sleep." I bid and you do, lying as I take your head in my lap. "I shall be here when you wake." A promise I've made many times before. It is as if you were a little girl once more as your thumb comes to your lips, suckled as a babe. Eyes slip shut, your form gradually relaxing as slumber takes you in her waiting arms.

Moments pass and I can feel the essence of my form pulling even tighter as it ebbs into the aether. "I wish we could of stayed together always." I tell you, though you do not hear me as you sleep. Maybe your dreams will offer you some means to hear my last message.

Harder it pulls, and I can do nothing to resist so I allow its tug as my hands disappear into complete nothingness. How easily reality erased my existence as my body begins to shimmer before it too turns transparent. My mouth pulls into an ironic smile as the tears streak my cheeks. The time has come and I've nothing left to offer as your growing body turns in sleep, angelic face at rest even as I fade away into nothingness.

The world is painful and truth even more so.

After all, what adult needs their imaginary friend?