A long delay, we know, but the return of a certain Crimson Eye had us abed for more than a few days with what surely could have only been a terrible stomach bug. The press room has stopped spinning, though, so we're back in action! --------------------| THE GAUDIGUCH GOSSIP |--------------------- -------< Best source in the Basin for news, gossip and more! >-------- ------------------------ Roarkian, 471 CE ---------------------------- -- BASIN-WIDE NEWS | CITY BIZ | JUICY GOSSIP | GAMES AND MISCELLANY -- ---------------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------- BASIN-WIDE NEWS ------------------------- ---------------------------------------------------------------------- PYRAMIDS TUMBLE! ARE NOW ONLY CUBES! --- Special report by "I-Really-Should-Be-Editor-In-Chief" Xirba "the Incendiary" Flamequill ---------------------------------------------------------------------- The city stood transfixed in shock early last month as bellows from the Guardian Drachou pierced the sky. Rushing to the very tip of the Eternal Flame, the Templar's leader Vyell was first on the scene - and what met her eyes was truly horrifying. "I've seen horses mate, once," the woman was noted to describe later, clearly still shaken by events. "Imagine that, but...use piranhas instead of horses, and you're getting warm." Beyond warm, though, onlookers soon realized, for reports indicate that the city's butterflies had been driven mad and were slicing Drachou to ribbons in an attempt to make dragonflies. Valiantly, a half dozen notable residents - Skebralt, Breandryn, Bairloch, Steingrim, Malarious, Tavon - battled the butterflies until they stood knee-deep in tiny, winged corpses. That was merely the start, though - as soon as the frenzied wave had been felled, a loud boom rocked the city, both literally and figuratively, as the Minstrel's pyramid began to collapse. Screams filled the air and urgent orders were issued to evacuate from the lower city. As people scrambled towards safety, another explosion shook the ground - the Templars, this time, followed by the Pyromancers and finally, in a toppling tower of golden gilt, the ancient home of the Illuminati Order crumbled into rubble. The city was left stunned, the loss staggering. A small contingent met at the Wasted Wakabi to commiserate over drinks, while others drifted off to privately mourn. Suspects are still at large. Some cite the shadowy figures of earlier months - upon pressure, they fled, dropping scraps of paper. Combined together, these messages hinted at some sort of timestream experiment, which many see as implicating Hallifax as the source of the attacks. Counter to this, several have argued that Hallifax is too obvious and the figures merely a ruse to distract us from the true criminals. Others cry out this is merely an expected danger, considering the city's proximity to an active volcano. More worrying is a softer whisper, one only heard in the backalleys and dark corners of taverns, the one suggesting that this is an inside job and that the Mayor no longer even has control of the city's guard watch. Time will tell - but until then, the city remains vigilant and wary, while the ruins smoulder and the citizens wonder. --------------------------------------------------------------------- TRUE ASCENDANT RAISED! CLAIMS DOMOTHS! --- political news by special correspondent Selmmie Squipples ---------------------------------------------------------------------- In a shocking turn of events, the northern's once-Chairman Falmiis Shevat has seized the Sceptre to become the newest crowned True Ascendant. When asked for comment on this surprising upset, the South had no comments. Even more shocking, however, is what the newly-named Falaeron has done with the role - counter to all prior tradition, he has resisted the title's pull to slumber and can often be found on the field of battle. "He's like me," one noted Gaudiguch fighter and envoy was overhead to say. "Except for not being me in most ways at all. I mean, have you met me? I'm pretty great. But, yeah, he's breaking the mold just like I did. Some of us just aren't done yet, you know?" ---------------------------------------------------------------------- ----------------------------- CITY BIZ ------------------------------- ---------------------------------------------------------------------- CITY MOURNS LOSS OF A LEGEND --- special memorial by Chixattho Sandwhisper ---------------------------------------------------------------------- It has been several years, now, and the city still aches for the loss of a true legend: our Librarian, our aetherspace Admiral, our Grandmonger, our Talan Ysav'rai. Her absence leaves a hole in the city's heart, one which will always remain whenever we think fondly of this great citizen - enjoy those drinks at that oasis, Talan. You've earned them! Talan's contributions to the Basin are immense - she led cities and orders, built up guilds into powerful forces, and oversaw the cultural needs of her citymates wherever she went. In Gaudiguch, many say, she found her true home, tirelessly working to help the city grow stronger. Her presence was a familiar one in a staggering number of places, be that deep in a meeting in the council chambers, fiercely fighting on the battlefield, verbally cutting foes to ribbons at a revolt, or directing a motley crew on the stage. She may have retired to enjoy the fruits of her labours, but her presence will always be remembered by Gaudiguch, and the Basin itself. Thank you, Talan, on behalf of the Gossip, for all you have done. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- THE "I JUST CANT"-INA --- restaurant review by Jonrah Brahnin ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Given the city's deplorable dearth of fine dining, consider me overjoyed when I heard of the Grand Cipher Xypher's recent foray into the culinary field. The location? Excellent. Conveniently two steps from the lower city's southern bordello, it's a fine, short stroll between dinner and dessert - at least in theory. Sadly, the opening seems premature. While the company is exceptional - I overheard a remarkable round of storytelling going on between several prominent citizens - the amenities are sorely lacking. No drinks, no food, and sporadic entertainment. 3/5 stars. Great location. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------- JUICY GOSSIP ---------------------------- ---------------------------------------------------------------------- WHY BOTHER WITH A HEADLINE. WE KNOW THIS IS WHAT YOU CAME TO READ --- rumours courtesy of the Gaudiguch Gossip ---------------------------------------------------------------------- We're not going to lie, folks - what we've been hearing lately is not happy news. Rumours abound, most circulating on the destruction of the guildhalls and the guilds themselves, with a hefty amount of speculation as to the cause. We've caught wind of cries against Hallifax, but just as many voices - albeit quieter - are muttering of something far closer to home. Word on the street is that the Mayor doesn't even have control of the city's armed forces? Is a coup eminent? Speaking of a coup, a whisper on the wind speaks of a circle lurking in the shadows. Inspired by the Elders who stood against the Traitors, this group is rumoured to meet in the dark depths of the city to exchange information, preserve guild secrets and ensure freedom remains free. Are they real or is this resistance merely the product of feverish imagination? Keep an ear open, folks. Change is in the air. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------------- GAMES and ETC --------------------------- ---------------------------------------------------------------------- MADAME QATNGA SEES THE FUTURE!!! --- astrology signs by the esteemed Madame Qatnga ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Dzaa, my dearies, Madame Qatnga sees much in da stars, da stones, da cards. Dare you seek your fate? Read on, but remember dat da paradigms be, ultimately, what you shift them ta be, dzaa. Volcano: Don't you do dat. Antlers: Madame Qatnga knows what you be strugglin' wit'. You know what be the right choice. Twin Crystals: Yes. Dolphin: Now is the time to reach for that dream. Lion: Trust the merian. You be knowin' why when the time comes. Crocodile: Skip the fish. Burning Censer: Avoid hangovers throughout Urlachmar. You be seein' why soon. Spider: Be wary when they ask for your help, dzaa. Dragon: Hold out for a blackjack. Skull: You be knowin' your answer when you see the flower. Bumblebee: Madame Qatnga sees troublesome times for you, dear. Be cautious. Glacier: The exploding mountain heralds your time to strike. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- JOKES! TAKE THEM! WE DON'T WANT THEM! --- comic corner by TumTum Rumblesnort ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Hey, folks! Nobody wrote in complaining about my last column, so I get to do another! Everyone around the press office is REALLY EXCITED about that. They even keep throwing me fruit in their delight. I love fruit. Q. How can you tell Lady Kalikai has a hangover? A. Look for Her Crimson Eyes. Q. What do you call a lucidian Symphonist visiting the air plane? A. A wind chime Q. What did the Grand Cipher feel when he visited the pleasure palace? A. Illumi-naughty Q. What did the Thousandfold say when Lady Kalikai gave Her some new barley whiskey to try? A. "I miss rye" And for my final joke, I present....Rolan sword-dancing! Bye folks, it's been great! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- GAMES GAMES GALORE --- word scramble and riddles by Kyletyi Fiddlestrings ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Who doesn't love a good mystery to solve! Have at these and enjoy - answers can be found at the bottom of the issue! 1. Unscramble these letters to find out why the Minstrel's tutor loves shoes so much. Ht htsa sese eme dnrkfsuo 2. Unscramble these letters to figure out why the Flame roared loudly. Ii aae h dtahdb gtir 3. In every crack, every crevice, I'll lurk and I'll teem - yet you can also find me inside of a dream. What am I? 4. I'm a river that runs as slow as a walk, a liquid that's also (somehow!) a rock. What am I? ---------------------------------------------------------------------- ------------- ADS EWW WE KNOW BUT WE LIKE MONEY -------------- ---------------------------------------------------------------------- _______________________________________________________ | | | The Flame and Flesh Tavern | | | | Novice needs at novice prices! | | | | Find us in the market: coordinates 20049 | | | | *all proceeds used to fund culture events!* | | *donations happily accepted!* | | | _______________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________ | | | Crazy Al's Wakabi Rides | | | | "An adventure in every step. BYOB." | | Expeditions leaving twice daily | | Enquire within the nomad camp for details | | | _______________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________ | | | JOIN THE RESISTANCE | | | | The rumors are true! The city is in anarchy! We can trust nobody! | | Who will guard the secrets of your guilds? Find the Circle of | | Whispers and find the answers and security you seek. Seek out the | | scroll in the city library - look for a secret subject. | | | | Hint: the Divine the flamelings take after. | | | _______________________________________________________ ---------------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------- THE BORING PARTS --------------------------- ---------------------------------------------------------------------- - All quotes are heresay unless explicited stated otherwise. - All rumours are merely rumours until confirmed otherwise. - Don't set yourself on fire or grow tentacles without taking proper precautions first. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- ---------------------------- POSTSCRIPT ---------------------------- ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Puzzle solutions! 1. He uses them for kegstands 2. It had a bright idea 3. Sand 4. Lava